Pep & Tony Get A TV
by Novel Books
Summary: Pepper & Tony decide to get ANOTHER TV! (Originally written October 8, 2015) Book 1 in the Pep & Tony series. PLEASE R&R! This takes place between S.H.I.E.L.D. Chronicles Volume 3 and Pep & Tony Get Hitched.
1. Chapter 1

"Ah, well, that was fun, JARVIS." Tony Stark leaned back in his Malibu Mansion sipping on one or two martinis.

"Indeed sir," replied JARVIS, speaking from the computer nearest to Tony Stark. "I am now running your newest program."

"You ARE?" Tony Stark glanced incredulously at the computer, then his TV again. "Hello, your program is supposed to switch to the MOST SIMILAR station that's not in a commercial break during commercial breaks, not go up one channel. I was just watching Criminal Minds on ION. Please tell me why you've switched to Shepherd Smith Reporting?"

"Sir, Fox News is currently the most similar channel to ION that's not in a commercial break, out of TLC, Food Network, and ESPN. It is 2:59 P.M., so I will switch back in ten seconds anyway. Pardon me for saying so, Mr. Stark, but sit back and relax. And sip your martini."

"Might as well. I should have known. You're always right."

"I know."

Tony leaned forward in his seat as the five cops on the television closed in on their arch-nemesis' house, where he was building illegal weapons to sell overseas.

"Sir?"

"YES, JARVIS?"

"Mr. Coulson from S.H.I.E.L.D. wishes to speak with you."

"Oh, all RIGHT. DVR this episode for me. I don't want to miss it."

"I have already done it, sir. My algorithms had already detected that is what you would have wished."

"Technically, JARVIS, those are MY algorithms."

"True, but you gave them to me. Anyhow, Coulson insists that you speak with him immediately."

Tony Stark, sighing, got up and went to his computer. He would've resisted, telling Coulson to stay on hold for an hour, but the last time that happened he had broken into the mansion himself to say hello.

Tony hit a button on the computer, and a live video feed of Agent Coulson showed up.

"We have big trouble at the helicarrier, Tony." Coulson said. "Looks like somebody has been trying to hack our systems. We need help fighting whoever is attacking us. Captain America is already here. Nick Fury orders you to get here immediately."

"Hmmm . . . " Tony stroked his chin. "Can you put ION on your giant plasma-screens?"

"We could, but not today, as we're busy monitoring all criminals and villains today for suspicious activities. If there's a villain attacking us, he likely has a vendetta against us."

"Oh, all RIGHT. I'll be there." Tony Stark hung up on Coulson. He hurried to his armor room, where he quickly assembled his suit and was soon flying to the helicarrier. As Iron Man was soaring through the skies, JARVIS told him Pepper Potts was calling.

"Hey, Tony. Where did you go?" She said. "I just bought you a new TV."

"Sweet. Just put it in any room that I don't already have a TV in."

"Okay, but you still didn't tell me where you went."

"Well, Pep, it looks like somebody in trying to cyberattack the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and they need a genius to defend them. Naturally, they hit me up."

Pepper giggled. "Well, don't be late for dinner."

"Okay." Iron Man chuckled. He wasn't the only one he knew who had a sense of humor. "Well, I'm here, and Coulson will likely set a dozen drones on me if I don't look him in the eye while he speaks, so I'm going to have to call you back."

Iron Man hung up and he landed on the helicarrier and walked up to Nick Fury. "Reporting for duty. What's the situation?"

Nick Fury narrowed his eyes. "The situation is DIRE, Iron Man. Our agents have noticed an increasing amount of hits to our server. I don't know all the specifics. Coulson can tell you."

Nick Fury and Iron Man went down to the server room. Everyone there was busy, trying to deter the hits. Coulson looked at him, relief appearing on the face.

"Finally," He said. "We need your help."

"Yep." Iron Man puffed up his chest. "People say that a lot."

Nick and Coulson stared at him. After a while, Nick Fury said, "Hmmm. I have more work to attend to. Coulson, tell him everything you know about this. I'll be back later."


	2. Chapter 2

Pepper Potts entered the Malibu Mansion, carrying a heavy 40-inch flat-screen 4K UHD TT as she staggered in. She put the TV on the floor for a minute, and stopped to take a breath.

"Greetings, Pepper." JARVIS said cheerily.

"Greetings? Really?" Pepper shook her head. She would never get used to JARVIS' English. "Well, the least you can do is be useful. Which room doesn't have a TV in it?"

"What do you mean? According to my latest check, every room has an average of 2.384 televisions or monitors."

"Have we bought THAT many TVs?" Pepper asked. "I lost count."

"Did you buy a new one?" JARVIS asked curiously.

"Yes, I did. Where should I put it, JARVIS?"

"Well, let me think." The room was silent for a moment. "All right, I have one. There are currently two rooms which may be able to use an extra television. The first is the room Tony Stark has entitled 'Man Cave.'"

"'Man Cave?' Which room is that?" Pepper raised an eyebrow.

"Go to the computer nearest you, and I will display a live video feed of the room entitled 'Man Cave.'"

Pepper walked up to a computer, and sure enough, the screen lit up, with a dialog saying, "Loading . . . " in the middle.

"I must say, JARVIS," Pepper remarked. "Tony has trained you well."

"Thank you, Pepper." JARVIS replied. "I am inclined to agree."

The Loading dialog disappeared, and it was replaced with a live video feed.

"Ah, here we are. The feed of the room entitled 'Man Cave' has loaded." JARVIS said.

The room had 13 televisions in it, all of them displaying news, sports, entertainment, celebrity gossip or some secret Stark Industries project.

"This room has plenty of TVs, JARVIS!" Pepper exclaimed. "I thought you would show me a room with only one or two TVs in it."

"Two weeks ago, one of the TVs was damaged when Tony Stark was readjusting the television entitled 'Random Stark Project RGBY Display Number 4.' It came off of its stand and fell crashing to the ground. As you can see, he still has not replaced it. Furthermore, two minutes and eight seconds later Tony Stark left this audio note entitled 'Broken Stark Monitor Note 18.' Take a listen."

The live video feed was replaced with an audio file, which started itself.

"Hey JARVIS," Tony had said into the recording. "Remind me to get a new monitor in here some time. I don't have nearly enough here."

"Well, that's what HE thinks . . . " Pepper huffed. How could anyone get any work done with so many screens in the corner of corner of their eyes, especially when Tony had interesting shows like SportsCenter and Scorpion reruns?

"Again, I am inclined to agree." JARVIS replied.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, what was the other room?" Pepper asked.

"The other room Tony Stark had entitled 'Stark Personal Movie Theater #3.'" JARVIS replied. "It is missing one of its monitors, because Tony Stark moved it to test resolutions for one of his experiments."

"Missing?" Pepper was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"The theater has been expertly coordinated by yours truly." JARVIS started the live stream on the computer. An image of a dark theater playing continuous loops of ancient 24 episodes on giant television screens appeared. One corner was missing. "Tony came first to me with the idea of creating a massive, 240-inch theater screen by taking four 60-inch RGBY HD displays coordinated specifically and spreading the display of Tony Stark's video of choice across the assorted displays."

Pepper face palmed. "What does that even mean?"

"You wouldn't understand that either." JARVIS replied. "Have you made your decision yet?"

"Yes, I think I'll put it in the theater. It could use the extra screen. Can you show me the way?"

"Show you the way? You mean you don't know where a room in your own mansion is? Oh wait, never mind. Which mobile phone would you like me to send the pedestrian directions to?"

"Pedestrian directions? Seriously? Can't you just say 'go that way?'"

"Come now, I can be much more specific than 'that way.' I insist that you use pedestrian directions."

"Why don't you just tell me how to get there? You don't need to go through all this trouble."

"Well, if you insist, Tony Stark never got around to programming a pedestrian directing system natively into my core code."

"Brain freeze." Pepper shook her head. "You lost me at 'Tony Stark'. Just send the directions to my Android phone."

"Which one? Your Moto P, your Nexus 8X or your Huawei Gharufei?"

"The Gharufei? Seriously, that was only for a YouTube video, and I haven't even used it in years."

"Your decision, Pepper?"

"Just send it to the Moto P, JARVIS."


	4. Chapter 4

Instantly, Pepper's phone bleeped and a female voice said, "Please walk to highlighted route."

Pepper squinted at her phone. I'm right there! She thought. Why won't it register? She pressed the + button on her phone to zoom in and noticed she was two steps away from the "route." She picked up the TV and started following the directions. "In 12 steps, take the elevator to floor five." Pepper was surprised. How could her phone recognize elevators in her home?

JARVIS noticed that she was surprised by analyzing her facial expression. "This is not the native mapping software I sent the coordinates to, Pepper, it's Tony Stark's own maps software he ported from JarvOS for mainstream . . . "

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" Pepper shrieked. Seriously! JARVIS can be SO annoying!

Pepper stomped as best she could with a heavy TV in her hands and stalked to the elevators. She put down the TV, wiped sweat from her brow, pushed the up button on the elevator, and picked the TV up again. Of course, no one else was inside, so the elevator was already at the ground floor. It opened, and Pepper took a couple steps toward the elevator before realizing that she was never going to be able to fit the TV in the elevator.

"ARGH! JARVIS!" Pepper called furiously.

"Yes, Pepper?" JARVIS replied calmly.

"Can you please read me the e-receipt for the television?"

"One moment please." JARVIS paused. "The electronic receipt for the purchase of your 57th television reads as follows: 'RECEIPT: Samsung Ulite+ Ultra 4K UHD TV...$7,999.99 Tax...$239.99 Total...$8,239.98 We hope that you enjoyed your experience . . . "

"Sorry, JARVIS, I meant please read me the directions. Read an online copy to me?" Pepper knew that it would take quite a while for JARVIS to find the directions for anything online in PDF form, so she put the TV back down.

"I already got the directions when you got home. My algorithms correctly assumed that you would need them."

"JARVIS . . . " Pepper was infuriated. Her irritation was not improved by JARVIS' needling.

"I have it at the ready. Is there any specific section you wish for me to read?"

"Find all phone numbers in the PDF and read them to me."

"One moment please." JARVIS paused again. "I have found three phone numbers. The first number is 791-847-5934."

"Which phone number is that for?"

"This phone number appears to be designated to Samsung's Taiwan headquarters, which the manual explicitly states may be used in case of damage."

"I don't want that one. What's the next number?"

"The second phone number is 836-410-1784."

"What's that one for?"

"This one is for the company that, quote, 'provides Samsung with the highest quality of 99.9999999% clean, renewable, organic, earth saving minerals and various random natural recyclable resources for their packaging.'"

"Forget it. I don't care about them. Give me the last number."

"The final phone number is 834-957-9847. My internal algorithms predicted you would ask me whom this number belongs to so I will tell you. It belongs to Samsung's USA headquarters in Montana."

"Rats. I was hoping to calling someone who could move and set up the TV for me."

"Well, there's me."

Pepper gasped and turned around quickly to see Tony Stark standing behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

"Tony! What are you doing here?" Pepper asked. "Weren't you at SHIELD, saving the world?"

"Oh, I finished already. Piece of cake. What are you doing?"

Pepper looked a tad embarrassed. "I bought you this TV, and I'm having trouble getting it into the elevator. Can you please help me?"

"Sure." Tony took a step back and glanced at the TV, then at the elevator, then at the TV again. Then he chuckled. "Well, it seems to me that if you flipped the TV sideways, you should be able to waltz right into the elevator. The elevator's taller than the TV is wide, and it's wider than the TV is tall."

Pepper was surprised. "Wow, thanks!"

"No problem." Tony Stark picked up the TV. "I got it. You get the elevator door."

Pepper pressed the up button and the elevator door opened. They walked into the elevator together.

"You know, Tony, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me either." Tony Stark replied. "It's times like these that I like to reflect and be grateful that I'm the one who codes my programs and not someone else."

The elevator door opened at level five and Tony picked up the TV. "Where are you taking this thing?"

"To one of the rooms JARVIS pointed out, I forget what it was called, like 'Stark Sophistico Theater' or something."

"Oh," Tony chuckled. "That must be Stark Personal Movie Theater #3. That custom-aligned display has been broken for a while. Let me lead the way."

They walked down a long hallway, took a left, walked down another hallway, and took another left, then walked all the way down to the last door to the right and went in. Like any good movie theater, it had a bunch of itty bitty stairs that descended down to the front row and, eventually, the displays themselves. Tony Stark gingerly and carefully tiptoed down the stairs until he finally reached the bottom. The displays were mounted ten feet high on the wall.

"How are we going to get up there?" Pepper asked in consternation as she looked up.

"Easy. We get my ladder and my DIY built-from-scratch mini-portable-escalator." He went to the closet and soon returned with the aforementioned items and placed them on the ground. First, he put the ladder in place and then he put the portable escalator next to it. Then, placing the TV on the escalator, he ascended the ladder until he reached the three displays.

"Hey, I should tell JARVIS to play something YOU like to test the monitors this time. JARVIS, please play Pepper's favorite Netflix title, sorted by Rating then Release Date then Most Often Played then Last Played."

"One moment please." JARVIS was silent for a second. Then he replied "Now playing 'Me and Earl and the Dying Girl.'"

"Seriously?" Tony Stark was surprised. "A tear-at-your-heartstrings rom-com?"

"You have no idea," Pepper replied.

"Well, let's get down to business. JARVIS, please raise Custom Portable Escalator #23 to my height level."

"As you wish." JARVIS promptly raised the escalator to Tony's height, and Tony noticed a love scene coming up. "Oh, no, NO. JARVIS, switch to the latest action movie. I hate this." JARVIS instantly turned on Fast and Furious 11, saving Tony Stark from mortal grief.

"Oh, come on!" Pepper was sitting way in the back with two bags of popcorn in her hand. "It was just getting to the good part!"

"Good part! That's my LEAST favorite part of any movie." He then bent down toward the TV box, opened it up and hoisted the TV on the wall. He climbed down the ladder and plugged the dangling cables into the wall and joined Pepper and began they watching the movie together.

"That portable-escalator was ingenious." Pepper said.

"I know."

"You should present it at your keynote next month."

"I will." Tony Stark replied.

With that being said, a huge tractor-trailer blew up.


End file.
